“You were born an original. Don’t die a copy” – John Mason
In a world where you’re influenced by outer appearances, the vain desire to be thought well by everyone else consumes you—even if he or she doesn’t play a single role in your life, even if you’re putting yourself beneath them. And by allowing this to dictate who you wish to be in the eyes of others—not your own—you eventually become someone you were never meant to be. You put on a mask that becomes like your second skin, a facade that becomes natural to you and false to me, constantly presenting a grand show in front of an audience that we call society. It’s all in the presentation. The performing you will always be different than the actual you, the one behind the curtains, and that’s why we crave intimacy and those who we can share our deepest and darkest secrets with. In the words of Shakespeare, all the world’s a stage. That’s exactly how we live through society: putting on an act. And with this very illusion that you fall victim to, you begin to fall in love with the idea of others—idealizing them and filling in the blanks yourself because you don’t know a single thing about them other than what you see and believe, or you mask false love with real lust (induced by appearance), or tuck away who you really are in order to please someone that will never accept you for who you really are. It’s sad, but I guess we’re all doing what we can to get by.
“To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something you something else is the greatest accomplishment “– Ralph Waldo Emerson
There’s a reason girls tell guys all they have to do is be themselves. It’s because it’s true. Guys try it, assume it doesn’t work, and come to the conclusion that girls have no idea what they’re talking about. Girls know exactly what it is they like but it’s the guys problem when he takes that advice and applies it the wrong way. A guy will take that advice and instead of ‘being himself’ he will try to ‘be’ himself, as if it’s something he has to ‘do’.
“God has given you one face, and you make yourself another” – William Shakespeare
The difference in being yourself means no effort and no acting. The reason we feel the desire to act differently in front of different people, try to appear safe or normal, or try to appear cool in front of people is because we think if they like us we’ll get love, love in the form of whatever it is for you : Approval, respect, attention, compliments, relationships, sex, etc.
“All behavior, every act in this world, is based on the desire for love. This desire causes us to seek for approval, acceptance, attention, power, fame, and fortune. Unfortunately, however, love cannot be gotten this way, and we become frustrated and unhappy. Only by loving can we find love and be happy.” – Lester Levenson
Even if we find a way to get that attention, respect, and validation we look and work so hard at getting, it only makes us happy temporarily. It never lasts because it doesn’t ‘fill us’. It’s not something we can accumulate over time as if we could reach a point where we become full. There’s no such thing, and there’s no such thing as consistency. It can be hard at first to be yourself because of past habits. People try to be themselves and it didn’t work. The reason is because they were ‘trying’ to be themselves. It’s just as absurd as trying to look cool or to appear in a way that you think will make people like you. Any ‘trying’ to be yourself is not ‘being’ yourself.
It has to effortless. All effort to be yourself is effort in the form of either protecting a fake identity or making yourself appear likable by altering your behavior. As long as there’s effort involved, it’s not being yourself. You have to drop all effort and what’s left then is you, the pure you. When we’re being ourselves we’re not living up to false standards, and we’re not behaving for the attention, approval, and respect for others. People are attracted to that because it’s real. To go out without the attention of trying to do anything and without hiding your true personality or to appear cool is going out and giving the true you to the world. But you can’t have an idea of who you are and then live up to that. That’s another script of how to act. Who you are, how you behave, and how you feel changes throughout the day naturally. You have to flow moment by moment. It’s when you drop any ideas of yourself and what your personality is like that your real personality shines.
“You are most powerful, most effective, when you are completely yourself. But don’t try to be yourself. That’s another role. It’s called “natural, spontaneous me.” As soon as you are trying to be this or that, you are playing a role….Give up defining yourself – to yourself or to others.” – Eckhart Tolle
The constant self-evaluation and manipulation and trying to get love is why we feel empty sometimes. We lock our true feelings and personality away and chase love from others, because deep down we assume we can get it from them. Then once we’ve ‘got it’ from that one or more people, then we relax and love ourselves as we are. But as soon as the source of that love is gone, you’re back to square one, chasing it more and more, all in the wrong place and that’s why we feel things are hard.
It affects our lives because not only do we feel a desire to do things the wrong way round, but people sense this. Girls especially, can tell when you’re needy and desperate. That neediness and desperation comes from trying to get love and approval from them, and if you’re needing love from them, you don’t have love for yourself, and you’re just using them to get that love. It’s not attractive, and it’s completely the wrong way round.
“It’s better to be hated for what you are than loved for what you are not” – Andre Gide
Knowing when we’re not being ourselves and not accepting ourselves, then deciding to do the opposite and to accept and love ourselves is the key to being ourselves fully. We have to love ourselves first, then we can love others. If we love ourselves we have no need to create fake fronts and hide our real personality, words, thoughts, behaviors and actions and desires. If we love others and realize that they do exactly the same thing as us and try to get love and get that by acting different to please people we can not only free ourselves of acting fake we can be a source of inspiration to other people. The more we learn to express ourselves honestly, the happier and more attractive we become to ourselves and others, and it creates a snowball effect on our own and other lives.
“I had found a kind of serenity, a new maturity… I didn’t feel better or stronger than anyone else but it seemed no longer important whether everyone loved me or not–more important now was for me to love them. Feeling that way turns your whole life around; living becomes the act of giving.” – Beverly Sills
Love is acceptance. When we love someone, it’s because we accept them. So to love ourselves is to accept ourselves. If we decide to focus on the good things rather than the bad we learn to love more. If you can learn to see what you like about other people and yourself you’re already learning to accept others. If we can stop giving conditional love and let that become unconditional we’re letting more love shine through. You can drop all games, all effort, all trying, all wanting to manipulate, etc. And what happens is things become purer and brighter, and you feel a sense of freedom and love for yourself, other people and life that isn’t there when you’re doing it wrong.
“Always be yourself, express yourself, have faith in yourself, do not you go out and look for a successful personality an duplicate it.” . “It has always been very easy for me to put on a show and be cocky, and be flooded with a cocky feeling and feel pretty cool and all that. I can make all kinds of phony things. Blinded by it. Or I can show some really fancy movement. But to experience oneself honestly, not lying to oneself, and to express myself honestly, now that is very hard to do. “ – Bruce Lee
You may get this right away, it may feel completely right without a shadow of a doubt. If there are doubts, then over time the more experiences you have where you realize that when you’re happy and people like you were just being yourself; no falseness, no games, no roles, no trying, just pure unfiltered personality, the more you’ll realize it’s true. You’ll have to see it for yourself, then you’ll get it.
“Just be yourself” – Every girl ever