Let go of the dark nights, to
Find a new, brighter dawn.
We’ve all had to let go of things at some point or another. Whether it be a pet, friend, boyfriend, or simply graduating high school. We are constantly ending chapters in order to start new chapters.
Though age and experience can make it a little easier to let go and move forward, completely letting go and allowing ourselves to heal and look to the future with optimism and excitement can be difficult to achieve. Our tendency can be to focus on “what used to be” and idealistically hold on to the past as if it had everything we ever wanted.
The problem with this, however, is that it ultimately causes more suffering. It doesn’t encourage growth and it doesn’t help us move forward. We have to learn how to find a balance between grieving as we need to and focusing on where we are now and what we want to have that we couldn’t before. Here are four ways to help you master the art of letting go:
#1 — Pay tribute.
We can do this in a number of different ways depending on your own personal preference.
You can write down your thoughts and feelings about this in a journal. It’s basically what I do. If you are trying to let go of a person (either with a breakup or the person’s passing), you can write them a letter sharing all the things that you valued about the relationship and then you can either send it or keep it for yourself. If the person or pet has passed, you could create a little ritual out of it by leaving the letter in a place that reminds you of that person.
If you’re not much into writing, you could also create a photo album or scrapbook to help yourself continue to cherish those memories. This can be a nice way to “organize our pieces of the past” into one activity.
#2 — Cry when you need to.
Know that it’s okay to grieve. If a thought or memory comes up when you’re grocery shopping then let it out. If it happens in the shower, then let it out. Don’t try to hold it in or force yourself to cry cause you think you should. Just let it happen naturally.
Your body and soul knows when it needs to grieve, trust that it will come up when it needs to. And allow it to come out when you feel it come up rather than whether it is “socially appropriate.” Focus on what you need rather than whether it will “make other people uncomfortable.” Take care of yourself — be your own emotionally nurturing mother in this way. When you’re going through a lost, cry when you need to. Don’t hold it back if it comes up and don’t force it if its not there. Just accept what is and go with the flow of the present moment. It’s one of the best things you can do to take care of yourself.
#3 — Focus on what you need — not what others think “you need.”
Don’t push yourself to go bowling just because someone told you you need to. Don’t listen to what other people “think you need” but rather listen to what you KNOW you need.
If you feel that you just need a night to watch movies by yourself or with a close friend then do that. If you feel up for going out and being in a large group then do that. But don’t do it just because someone else told you you should. Do it because you really feel that you need it right now rather than because others told you to.
That being said, if you feel that others are pushing you to do something or if they are making you feel like a “victim” more than giving you the support you need, then kindly tell them to back off. Remember that it’s okay to say something like, “I know you’re trying to help because you care about me, but I really need _________ right now instead.”
#4 — Focus on what you are gaining.
When one door closes another door opens. Whether it be the end of a relationship, job, or the unfortunate passing of someone close to you, there is always another door that opens. Focus on the opportunities that you have.
Ask yourself: What can I know create for myself in my relationships or career? Where can I move? What can I do that I haven’t done before? Focus on the possibilities. Dream big. Start to write yourself a bucket list or vision board and begin to make plans to make that a reality.
Sometimes, we must learn to let go. Let go of unwanted things, that tie us down with its burdens. Letting go is harder, of course, but sometimes holding on brings lot of depressing memories and bothersome bruises. Holding on, may, sometimes, even destroy the essence of us and damage us from the root.
Be it a person, or an unwanted memory, letting go can solve many problems. Psychologically, letting go is the hardest job out there. People, sometimes, take drugs and medications to find a way to let go. Yes. It is that hard. After holding on for so long, it will take lots of effort to let go. It will take a part of us. Those parts that keep us stable… We might even fear the aftermath of letting go. Scared that we will fall apart if we let go. But… The outcome may be something you haven’t expected. It may become something better.
The outcome of letting go may bring you the happiness that you’ve tried hard to find. The outcome of letting go may find holes in your walls and shine the sunrise through them, and disperse your darkness. The outcome of letting go may stop the storm brewing at the depth of your heart and bring serenity.
‘I’d never smoke again.’ Chain-smokers often talk about letting go of that thing, which can stab them in the back and kill them, but… Even after thousand promises, they go back to the cigarette, knowing that it will kill. Because it is harder to let go of it, once we become connected with it.
We all are like chain-smokers. Always holding on to things, even after we made thousand promises of giving it up. Always holding on to those things, that will someday kill our happiness and steal our smiles. Holding on to the things that will, one day, ultimately, end the brighter morn in our life.
We continue to smoke, even after reading a big book about the effects of smoking.
Our memories, bad memories – they are the killers. They murder our smile. Leach our happiness out. Derail us. And then drown us inside the salty taste of tears. We know… We know, if we let go of those memories, we can become a better person. We can become happy. But we hold on, obstinately. Because… Yes, it is harder to let go.
Some people in our life bring miseries along with them. Like a bad smell, they bring gloom and depression wherever they go. They cut us with words. Stab us with harsh comments. Break our self-esteem. Ruin our happy days. These people, if we let them go, we know, we will be happy and cheerful. But we hold on, trying hard not to get hurt on a day-to-day basis. Because… Yes, it is harder to let go.
Letting go is easier in words. Difficult when we try it with actions. But we must learn that art. It is a difficult process – learning the art of letting go.
That person we want to let go might be the one who had once brought us a lot of happiness.
The memories we want to let go might be that one memory that can’t be erased however we tried.
But… Moving forward to find new happiness means letting go of the past ones, which would burden you. Moving forward to find new future can only become possible, if you let go of the old days that had shattered you.
Ultimately, remember that tomorrow is another day. Life is a journey and even though one day may be very difficult for you, know that with each new day brings the opportunity for a completely new experience. Start each new day fresh and looking forward to all the new opportunities.
Remember: If it is the end of a relationship or the passing of someone close to you, chances are there will always be a small part of you deep within your soul that will always grieve because you miss them. This is okay! The trick here is to not focus so heavily on it that it drags you down.
Give yourself space to cry when it comes up but after you let it all out then go back to focus on the present and creating the life of your dreams. After you let it out, do something that you love to do — dance, play music, go for a run, do crafts, write… simply, enjoy life!
And tell yourself: ‘I deserve more. I deserve happiness.’ You do deserve only the best things. So let go of bitter things in your life.
Let go… Of everything you didn’t want and start to enjoy a new, more-improved, happier life.
Happy letting go.
Always remember you are loved.
This is written for a special friend of mine
who’s going through a really tough breakup now.
I know you’ll get through this because you’re stronger than you think.
I’ll always be here for you.
And so will many other important people in your life.
Stay strong girl.
& I l love you loads.